Hello everybody! Anyone that knows me in real life knows that I play bass. I love bass. I love everything about it! The jokes. the groove. the "I'm like a mix between a drummer a guitarist" conversation in an attempt to make myself look cooler. However, there was something that made me love bass... well, it was more of a somebody... and that somebody... is Bootsy Collins.
Look at this guy! I remember opening an issue of Bass Player magazine at
a guitar store and seeing this blingamatic guy with his space bass.
Instantly, I knew this guy was better than the other bass players! When I
asked one of the workers there, he praised bootsy because he was known
for playing the bass well, unlike how other bass players get popular
(long tongue, dying from a drug overdose and coming back to life,
killing his girlfriend...). So, after I saw this guy, I had to find some
recordings of the funkiest band in the world Parliament Funkadelic and,
lemme tell you... I've never been the same. I thought," this guys bass
playing... his looks... I want to be him!" and YOU will want to be him
too, especially when you find out... he saves the world.
Spiderman also likes Bootsy...see?
See, Bootsy didn't save the world in any normal superhero. NO. His
parents weren't killed and he decided to be a superhero. NO. He didn't
get superpowers from radiation. He had the funk, and he used it to save
the world. WATCH IT.
This guy is a Black Iron Man. Dude has a plane, jet ski, spaceship, an
obvious time machine he uses to kill a dragon, and WE'RE NOT EVEN AT THE
TWO MINUTE MARK. But, with great power comes great responsibility...
aliens in a blimp/limo (blimo?) arrive. A guy named Louis St. Jocks, who
has money and lawyers and white guilt, wants to take over the funk with
his band the believers ( or belieBers...for the new generation). At
this point, Bootsy is teleported and Louis shows up and claims to... pee
all over their afros... (Yep... not typing THAT into google images.)
But, it turns out that he drops a whole bunch of letter ps into the
crowd that release this red cloud of...funk... So, the Pee was... P... I
tell you what, it's like listening to a little kid telling you a joke
that s/he wrote and when they look at you all proud of their punchline,
you have to muster up all of your strength just to say...
But anyways! this kid then runs and uses his funk express card to then
be teleported into what I can only assume to be Bootsy's funktress of
solitude and our kid is greeted the best way possible... by two
thick-ass stereotypical black women! After this kid comes to his senses,
he finally meets the grandest funkateer of them all: Bootsy. He is
depicted in a big comfy chair with shorts, a t-shirt and star glasses on
with his feet in a kiddy pool and hair that resembles J from the
Awkward Black Girl series. In other words, sweet as hayl! At this
moment, Bootsy's funkadelic TV picks up something and shows the show
that he was once playing at and showing everyone with their faces being
distorted while Louis is trying to bass solo... which that alone makes
the face grimace. What does he say? "He P'd off all my funkateer with
those pinocchio theory bombs... and it's just not explained... but this
means Bootsy's gotta get into his bootwing (no joke... that's what it
is) to SAVE the funk!
So, Bootsy gets into the Bootwing and sees all the P-Gas and... sucks it
up... with his mouth... I mean, I know he's funky but if he could just
suck it in... it... never mind! Anyways, the fans noses keep growing
because of the P Gas and Bootsy's thick-ass funkateers shut it DOWN on
Louis. That moment... Bootsy gets his getup in something I can only
describe as Jesse from Toy Story meets Soul Train...and saves the crowd!
What happens to Louis St. Jocks? Well, like a great villain, he swears
his vengeance and his band flies off in metal attire! This is putting
Stark industries to shame and people better not see how the funk can
manipulate people!
So, let me get down to the B(r)ass tax of it all. This show, from a
technical standpoint, is ludicrous. It doesn't make sense, it has poor
animation, and there's nothing special... note that I said from a
TECHNICAL standpoint. Although it's bad in that dimension, I wouldn't
mind watching this show. I wouldn't mind watching MULTIPLE seasons of
this show. It's so crazy and wild and out there that it makes you go,"
DUDE... really?....DUDE...really?" over and over again. Not only that,
but I gotta say... it's gotta lotta funk. After saying that... have you
ever been sad while listening to funk music? I guess what I'm going to
say is this for the end of my review. After watching this I was left
with one question: How does squidbillies have 7 seasons but this only
lasts TEN MINUTES!?
No comments:
Post a Comment